Men are isolated and struggling. Old models of support aren’t working.
SO We’re building a community around self-reflection and the pursuit of wholeness, with insights from the world of therapy, framed for men.
THE WHY
Men LACK healthy, in-person community
In-person, social connection has become a casualty of our rapidly-changing culture. Community is now largely pursued online, with harmful results. There are places men can still go to find friends, but they’re not always the healthiest or most intentional environments. Recovery groups and faith communities are, by nature, not for everyone. Business networks and gyms tend to be built around competition. Fraternal orders and service organizations can be insular and antiquated. We need a new model of purposeful, embodied community for men.
Men have not been equipped for mental, emotional, and relational health
Most men are navigating adulthood in a constant state of reactivity and coping. They’ve never truly examined their lives and instead simply operate out of inherited behavioral patterns and life scripts. For many men, this includes a picture of masculinity that resists things like emotional intelligence or even asking for support. As a result, men often arrive in therapy only after their lives have imploded. That said, we are seeing a rise in men seeking resources for self-improvement, including a renewed interest in character-shaping philosophies like Stoicism. We can build on this momentum and offer an embodied community that equips men with tools and concepts that help them live with more authenticity and agency.
Therapy is great, but can’t be the main strategy to help men
Therapy could help a lot of men, but it’s not a realistic option for everyone. For starters, it’s expensive, creating a barrier for those with less resources. But even for men who can afford it, therapy remains an intimidating and stigmatized practice. And the truth is, many men are not yet in a place where they’re ready to engage in the deep work that good therapy fascilitates (which is okay). Watering therapy down to impersonal worksheets, online quotes, and AI chatbots isn’t the answer. A better option would be to create place where men could be introduced to the concepts and tools they might get in therapy, alongside and in dailog with other men. Not group therapy, but embodied community built around pyschoeducation and personal reflection. And to make sure it’s financially accessible for all men, we’ll make it donation-based.
The Structure
Tools and educational guides delivered digitally to subscribers, meant to drive personal self-reflection and discussion for in-person groups.
Monthly Content
In-person groups of 10-15 men, facilitated by trained leaders, where men can feel known, reflect on their lives, and find encouragement for personal growth.
bi-weekly meetings
Extended, purposeful time away, led by professionals, focused on creating space for deeper self-reflection and deeper interpersonal connection.
YEARLY retreatS
THE MEETINGS ARE the MAIN THING. CONNECTION is the primary change agent.
The experience
Twelve men gather on the back patio of a local brewery. Some are meeting for the first time, others are catching up since the last meeting. Two men bond over a niche tv show they both watch. Others learn their kids go to the same school. They settle in and go around the circle with brief introductions. The facilitator goes over the group norms: be curious and respectful, honest and not performative, etc.
This month’s content was focused on the concepts of freedom, choice, and responsibility, pulling from a variety of thinkers. Some men chose to go deep, exploring the source material. Others just watched the overview video that was provided. Either way, they were encouraged to reflect personally on some core questions. To what degree am I responsible for my own situation? And, are there ways I avoid responsibility, choosing passivity or blame instead?
The discussion starts loose and philosophical. Light hearted debate about whether humans even have free will flows into reflection about how much decision-making is subconscious. Men share insights from books they’ve read on the subject. One man talks about how his views have changed along with his religious convictions. The men ponder the impact of past experiences and how often our behaviors are just reactive (both future topics).
The facilitator then brings the conversation down to the ground, asking the men to interact with a list of ways people avoid responsibility. The men talk about their fears, regrets, and guilt. They reflect on the ways depression can undermine hope and disappointment can lead to self-protection. As the conversation becomes more vulnerable the men lean in.
At the ninety minute mark, the facilitator hits pause. This conversation will continue two weeks from now. Half the men say their goodbyes, half stick around to connect a bit longer.
The Content
Over the course of a year we’ll build conversation around content that translates insights from the world of therapy into points of reflection for men (with references to source material, allowing men to dig deeper if they want). The goal is to help men build the following kinds of awareness, empowering them to live with greater authenticity and agency:
Existential
systemic
Narrative
Trauma
Relational
Moral
Cognitive
Emotional
Bodily
Attention
Personality
Sean Mortenson
MS, MDiv, LPCC
My name is Sean Mortenson. I’m a licensed therapist and the founder of Union Lodge. I sit with men (and their partners) everyday. I see the stress and the wounds they’re carrying. I see the problems they bring on themselves and their lack of tools to understand their own inner worlds, let alone share them with someone else. I see the tragic visions of masculinity capturing imaginations. I see therapy being reduced to absurd tropes. And I see men trying to navigate it all in isolation, partly because they’ve been told that’s what men do.
I’ve worked to create honest, healthy community for decades, as a pastor (in my former life) and now as a therapist. I’ve gained some hard earned wisdom in that time, challenging norms and navigating unhealthy systems. Union Lodge is an application of the lessons I’ve learned in response to a need I can’t ignore. There is already a beautiful, in-person community forming around the vision. I’d love your support to help bring that vision to its full potential.