Amor Fati
I recently came across a Twitter thread, sparked by the World Cup red card controversy. The author observed how Americans were responding to the suspension of their leading scorer with indignation. She noted how this is representative of a broader American pattern of refusing to accept anything that feels like an injustice, no matter how small. If McDonalds forgets your fries, it feels like a personal offense. She, an American herself, writes, “we simply can't accept a wrong left unrighted.”
That justice-seeking impulse may strike you as appropriate and good. And maybe it is. But the author then observes a contrast in the European mindset where, “they expect life to be aggravating and at times unfair. It's just a fact of moving through the world.” She’s not saying Europeans model some superficial “choose joy” ideology. Rather they “have turned complaining into a continental pastime with no expectation that the universe owes them a remedy for their grief.”
Now, are the broad brush strokes applied to Americans and Europeans in this thread too generalized? Almost certainly. But the author surfaces something worthy of reflection. Different cultures relate to injustice and suffering in different ways. If indignation is on one end of the spectrum and zen-like acceptance is on the other, it’s worth considering where we tend to fall, and why.
This brought to mind the concept of Amor fati, a Latin phrase that means “love of fate” (and a great Washed Out song). The concept is often traced back to the Stoics (Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius), but it’s Nietzsche who’s typically credited with popularizing it. It’s the idea of treating everything that happens, including suffering, loss, and hardship, as something to be loved rather than merely endured. It’s not about leaning into a defeated resignation. Rather, you affirm the difficulties of life as necessary and even desirable. Consider this poem by Gregory Orr:
Yes
Burden and blessing -
two blossoms
on the same branch.
To be so lost
in this radiant wilderness.
Again, this is not the toxic positivity gaslighting that is so often sold in self-help circles. It’s not about pretending bad things are good. It’s about radical affirmation, saying yes to reality as it is, including its cruelty, without needing to reinterpret it and spin it as what you want.
Epictetus wrote, “Don't seek for events to happen as you wish, but wish for events to happen as they do happen, and your life will go smoothly." Nietzsche, spinning it toward the pursuit of power, echoed, "My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity." One could argue this mindset shows up in everything from Ecclesiastes to Albert Camus, who pictures Sisyphus happily embracing in his unjust destiny. It certainly overlaps with Buddhist teaching on the reality of suffering. But how does it sit with you?
Discussion Questions
Is it a moral good to make peace with aspects of life that feel unjust or less than ideal? Is there a negative expression of radical acceptance?
Is there a sweet spot of resistance vs. acceptance, and how do you find it?
Is there a difference between accepting things that happen to us and accepting things happening to others?
What are the cultural factors than shape one’s relationship to this subject?
What can we learn from groups that have become acquainted with suffering throughout their history, while learning to finding and maintain joy?
How does religion (or the absence of) impact our ability to accept what we can’t control?