Attachment Theory
From Sue Johnson’s Attachment Theory in Practice
Reflection Questions
When I was a kid, who did I go to for comfort? How did they typically respond?
Was my relationship with primary caregivers warm? Safe?
What memories do I have of feeling truly known and seen by my parents?
How would others say I show up in relationships now? Am I anxious, distant, or self-protective in any way?
Do I feel comfortable being vulnerable with others? Why not?
Concept Overview
Attachment Theory has its origin in the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, who conducted the “Strange Situation” experiments in the 1970’s. These experiments observed the reactions of young children while being separated and reunited with their caregivers.
Attachment Theory posits early experiences with primary caregivers shape our posture toward relationships overall. Caregivers who prove to be loving and dependable lead to the development of a “secure base” in the child. The secure base is both an external reality (i.e. a safe point of connection they can always return to) and an internalized sense of worthiness. Individuals with secure attachment tend to be more self-assured and view relational connection as a desirable and accessible aspect of life.
On the other hand, the absence of loving and/or dependable relationships in childhood can lead individuals to develop more pathological approaches to relationships and life in general. For example, an “avoidant attachment” pattern emerges in individuals who found their caregivers to be distant or unavailable. This leads people to internalize a sense that they’re on their own and, as a result, distrust closeness. An “anxious attachment” pattern emerges in individuals who found caregivers to be unpredictable or in individuals who lost connection to their caregivers. This leads people to require constant assurance that their relationships are safe and trustworthy. A “disorganized attachment” pattern (sometimes called “fearful-avoidant”) is conceptualized as a combination of anxious and avoidant patterns. It often emerges in individuals who experienced trauma in early relationships and found caregivers to be both the source of pain and the comforter.
Attachment theory views “secure attachment” as the goal and believes it’s possible for one’s attachment patterns to evolve over time with new experiences.
Deep Dive
Sue Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), is a recognized authority on the research and application of Attachment Theory. Her 10 Core Tenets of the theory are quoted, in part, below.
1. “From cradle to grave, human beings are hardwired to seek not just social contact, but also physical and emotional proximity to special others who are deemed irreplaceable … Humans are most acutely aware of this innate need for connection at times of threat.”
2. “Predictable physical and/or emotional connection with an attachment figure … calms the nervous system and shapes a physical and mental sense of safe haven where comfort and reassurance can be reliably obtained and emotional balance can be restored.”
3. “This emotional balance promoted the development of a grounded, positive, and integrated sense of self and the ability to organize inner experience into a coherent whole. This also facilitates the congruent expression of needs [that] are likely to result in more successful bids for connection.”
4. “A felt sense of being able to depend on a loved one creates a secure base - a platform from which to move out into the world, take risks, and explore and develop a sense of competence and autonomy.”
5. “The key factors that define the quality and security of an attachment bond are the perceived accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement of attachment figures.”
6. “Emotional and physical separation from attachment figures is inherently traumatizing for human beings, bringing with it a heightened sense, not simply of vulnerability and danger, but also of helplessness.”
7. “One’s general sense of attachment security is not a fixed character trait; it changes when new experiences occur that allow one to revise cognitive working models of attachment (trustworthiness of others and worthiness of self to receive care) and their associated emotion regulation strategies.”
8. “Those who are securely attached are comfortable with closeness and their need for others … Attachment security appears to buffer stress and potentiate positive coping throughout life.”
9. “If others have been perceived as inaccessible or unresponsive, or even threatening, when needed, then secondary models and strategies are adopted.”
“Anxious attachment is characterized by sensitivity to any negative messages coming from significant others and by “fight” responses designed to protest distance and get an attachment figure to pay more attention and offer more reassuring support.”
“Avoidant responses are “flight” responses designed to minimize frustration and distress through distancing oneself from loved ones who are seen as hostile, dangerous, or uncaring. Attachment needs are then minimized, and compulsive self-reliance becomes the order of the day. Vulnerability in the self or perceived vulnerability in others then triggers distancing behaviors.”
“A third kind of secondary model arises when a person has been traumatized by an attachment figure. He or she is then in a paradoxical situation in which loved ones are both the source of and the solution to fear. Under these circumstances, this person often vacillates between longing and fear, demanding connection and then distancing, and even attacking when connection is offered. This type of response is called disorganized attachment in children, but is termed fearful avoidant attachment in adults and is associated with especially high distress in adult relationships.”
10. “Compared to child-parent attachment, the bonds between adults are more reciprocal … Secure attachment and the emotional balance resulting from this security are associated with more attuned attention to another adult and more responsive caregiving … Security is also associated with higher levels of arousal, intimacy, and pleasure and more sexual satisfaction in relationships.”
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Johnson makes a link to Yalom’s existential approach (see previous guides), stating, “Explicitly existential models of therapy outline four universal life-and-death issues that elicit our deepest anxieties … Attachment incorporates this philosophical perspective on human vulnerability, but stresses the overarching primacy of emotional isolation as the core of helpless-ness. This isolation primes the sense of danger and links to the fear of death, primes a sense of meaninglessness (after all, if we do not matter to another . ...), and undermines the ability to be grounded and make clear choices. A felt sense of secure connection with others, on the other hand, is seen as our species’ main and most efficient way of effectively dealing with such existential vulnerabilities.”
Johnson also discusses how attachment overlaps with systems theories (see following guide), stating, “they are both concerned with process - the evolving “how” of things, rather than static, linear models of causality, and both are non-pathologizing. Clients are seen as stuck in narrow ways of perceiving and responding, rather than being defective in and of themselves. Attachment science adds to the systems perspective, which tends to eschew inner experience, in that it posits emotional processing as the organizing element in stuck patterns of interactions with others.”
According to Johnson, “Health consists of flexible and adaptive emotion regulation strategies that allow an individual to recover emotional balance when it is lost and deal constructively with vulnerability; positive, coherent working models of self and other that are open to revision when needed and set up realistic but constructive expectations; and a repertoire of behaviors to elicit connection with others and to respond to the needs of others. A healthy individual is able to accept and assert his or her needs with others and empathi-cally respond to the needs of others. Dysfunction is viewed in terms of blocks to being open to new experience, to fully processing emotions, and to attuning to and engaging with others.”